Me,Myself & I...

lalala~

2005-05-30T08:43:00.000-07:00

lalala~ it's the June holidays!! haha...got up damn early today..dad lah...made so much noise,then i woke up..humph.but never mind..i'm going out later anyway!! x) haha..but come to think of it..it's still quite early..haix.maybe later i'll sleep again..lol.

lala.hols homework sux man...haix.but still have to do de mah...haha.at least i'm almost done with my english homework..haha..then must do the chinese de,then chem,then physics,then lastly maths..have i left out any homework???

maybe i'll ask ppl to go do homework with me..i know tt if i do it by myself...i'll definitely have a lot of unanswered questions..haha,then might as well say tt the homework is not done right!! >.<

well well...today gonna watch movie.haha...free of charge.yay!! (= lalala...oh yea,the Great Singapore Sale is on..haha.maybe will go shopping too. x) lala~ haha..okie...i think i should go tt dumb 10 day attachment.haha..huiyi helped me sign up liao..no..she asked gs to help sign up for both of us..lala~ then mayb i'll have my confiscated hp back.yay.at least all i hav to wait is 2 more weeks..then i'll have my hp.oh,my beloved hp.HAHA.. =P

hols is quite boring..i wish i can go to school...haha..ystd jus learnt of a new 'news'..haha...seems like it was a 1-week romance.lol..ok ok..i shall not say about them. xP but really,did she say tt she likes him out of jealousy??hmm..and then,is she using her "commitments" as an excuse to break?i mean,maybe she finally realised tt she's taking the wrong step,and her "commitments" came at the right time for her to use as an excuse..i dunno.but i do know tt she's sorry.aiya from wat he told me..i think he also knows tt there's actually no chance between them.haha.

okay okay...gotta go do my homework le lah..comprehension is the only thing that i dun have to do with other ppl..haha...

uh-oh!

2005-05-10T15:03:00.000-07:00

oops!!!no wonder there's a saying tt one musn't be happy too early!ugh.i can't make it for my dental appointment on the 14th.because of wat energy-conservation course.ugh!!this jus makes me hate guides more!humph!and then i have to have the dental thingy for two consecutive tuesdays,and the energy-conservation course is two consecutive tuesdays right smack in the middle of June!!!wtf.that means...my dental app cant be in June!!wtf.that means i wont be able to take my braces out in June!wtf.that means i gotta bear with all this pain for a longer time!to think that i was so happy yesterday.heaven's jus unfair.heaven takes away my things too quickly.my things are taken away before i even have time to replace them.wtf.i hate life!

yay!

2005-05-09T17:12:00.000-07:00

haha.it's time that i finally receive some good news. (= yupz.today went for dental appointment.and yay!!i can finally take out my braces!in one month's time.hee.actually less than a month.yay!june...wohoo!i'm so looking forward to june man..jus hope tt i'm free on the 7th.haha.and 14th.yea!~i'm so happy...at last i can take this stupid thing out of my mouth.and eat whatever i feel like eating!~haha.i'm so crazy with happiness now.haha...

wa drenched!

2005-05-06T14:58:00.000-07:00

oh my god.the rain is really really really crazy!i got half-drenched yesterday,and thoroughly drenched today.humph.another bad sign for my physics EXAM?!ugh... =X jus got back from holland V.yea,i know,it's mad right..go holland V for wat??!haha.ask my crazy frens. =X esp. huiyi.she's the one who always goes 'crazy places'.haha... =D
well,i dun feel too well for my physics.i SERIOUSLY think i'm going to fail physics.really.it's like,how many questions did i leave blank?!ugh.this is stupid.i dun think i'll ever have the chance to get my hp back. )= then...it's over between us.haha.sort of 'over'.he relies too much on the hp and sms.haix.really,without hp...it's bad. )=
aiya.jus now go holland V..went to Coffee Club.then..haha,not enough money to pay for the food!! =S cos we didnt think tt will have 10% service charge.oh my...so paiseh lor....actually went to the ATM,told the person to wait...then...raining.so...got wet...then..reach the ATM,after much difficult finding.and..surprise!not enough money to withdraw.huiyi lah..dunno the nets for wat de.cant even withdraw money out.so yea,no money to pay..short of like,$5.but then the person very kindly gave us 10% discount.or so he said.but then i think it's less than 10%. =X so i left Coffee Club,left with $1.10.haha.
actually today is ask yujia teach me remainder and factor theorem de.but then ended up going holland V eat n get drenched n get paiseh.wa lao.nice.and today's not even friday the 13th.next week then is 13th lor!wa lao.suay.anyway.i vow never to go holland V on a friday liao.bad things happen.haha. -.-
anyways..tues is bio paper..very the sianx.haix.some ppl are jus so lucky. =X very tired too.jus feel like sleeping.but then i know i wont wake up de.later dad scold me..so yea,never mind.shan't sleep. (= haix.dun want to type too much le lah..haha.have to go sweep the floor.MUST do household chores..haix. =X never mind.take it as training.so tt next time no need to hire maid!yay.then can save money!!haha.lame..

haiya...

2005-05-05T14:08:00.000-07:00

whoa.nice rain man..got caught in the damn rain.then now reached home liao not raining.i'm so pissed. >,<>
haix.oh yea.listening to angela zhang's aurora album.for the past few nights..i like track no. 7..it's a sad piece but it's nice.pretty much describes how i feel.towards xx.haix.ok ok.i think i better stop talking about such stuff.otherwise my blog'd be pretty boring.. =X haix.but then all it seems that i can think about is that problem.i,of course,have other problems though.haix.
such as studies.haix.i think all my problems are linked together de.one leads to the other.haix.aiya.think i better stop sighing.later will very fast age de.haha. =P okay.today i was really really depressed after paper 1.humph.actually i cried lah.but then....when i cry,nobody knows. (= that's a good thing.really.i dun want everyone to know when i'm crying.yep.so no one noticed.i can say that i'm pretty good at hiding. x) good at acting too.i acted quite 'ok'.even though i wasn't feeling the least bit of ok inside.haix.never mind.it's sometimes good to have frens that only see the surface. (= so that they wont know wat i'm TRULY thinking and feeling.so they dun see the REAL ME.
oh no.i'm going to miss him.for about one week.no,i mean an extra one week.these two weeks already never talk to him le.there'll be another week without him.three weeks without him. )= jus nice.when i get my hp back(it's 'confiscated' now) he has to go away.overseas for a camp?!how stupid. =X haix...maybe we really aren't fated.is this even fate?haha.i think i gone crazy liao lah.wat with the exam stress.haha. =X haix.miss den miss lorr.after all,there was like,a period of around two months without him.and last year's june hols also wat..one whole month.haha.never mind.shall not think too much. (= i wont die de wat.haha.
ugh!!tomorrow's paper is PHYSICS!!!!!!!! UGH!!!! stressed.i cannot fail physics!haix...must study extra hard.but then...no motivation..the only motivation i have is to get into Hwa Chong.haha..yea,only i know the reason why. x) HCI rules. (= haha..influenced liao. =P yea.but then that is motivation for O'Levels wat. haix.never mind.shall take that as motivaiton for exams too.cos must work CONSISTENTLY.cannot pia at last minute. x) yep.so...HCI!!must jiayou... ;)

exams!!!

2005-05-04T14:00:00.000-07:00

Exams!! wa...so idiotic.i think i'm going to fail all the subjects..uh-oh.the radio's playing jay's song.i think i'm going to cry again.and this song is...sad.. )= humph.ok,back to exams. (i hope i dun break into tears..) ya.so.my lit sux.really.the question 1(b) was so.shocking. =X i really dunno how to do that question.not lying.if i cant even do well for the only subject i'm good at...i dunno wat's the point of..studying.*haix.really.i'm very disappointed..very.today's chem is.bad.really.i mean,chem is another subject that i have confidence of.and now... )= somehow i think i'm not focusing on my studies.too many 'distractions'.*haix
okay.so.i know i've decided to leave.but then.why.why must he always sms me when i've just made a decision?when i've jus decided tt i cant stand all this anymore,he has to sms me?is this sort of like,making me change my mind?!i'm so troubled.really.i dunno what to do.it's like,it's easier said than done..*haix i see other ppl's problems,i think to myself "wa lao.their problems r so small as compared to mine.their's are so easy to solve!"i wish i can trade lives with someone.humph.
i really wish there's a shoulder i can cry on.someone to comfort me.yet i look around me,and all i see are faces of strangers.i dun mean it as really lah.it's jus a literal comparison.but yea,all i c r faces of strangers.why?cos i dun think anyone understands me that well.that well to the extent that i can spill everything to tt person.no.all i c are ppl who only sees the surface.ppl who dun look deeper.deeper into the soul. )=
i dunno.i dunno why i'm even bothering myself over such stuff.but then,really.i dun have anywhere else to place all my troubles.i guess the best i can ever do is to spill something here.at least i get some load off my heart.at least maybe i feel lighter and better this way.i'm not sure if this really helps.all i know is that i'll be breaking down soon.i can feel it.

oh goody

2005-04-30T16:10:00.000-07:00

Hee accessing blogger here via gprs..my hp lah in other words... :) haha actually didnt know hp can access here..yay next time can update blog anywhere anytime!haha..

sigh

2005-04-28T16:15:00.000-07:00

haix haix haix.i think i'm going to sigh all day.really,wat kind of a mess have i gotten myself into??will i ever be able to untangle myself??!!hmm.it turns out he did sms me yesterday.jus that i didnt check.asking me how was exam.well,i know i told the who(dun wanna mention names here) tt i've decided to concentrate on my studies..but then.you dun say give up,and u really give up.why.....i tot he would leave me alone.i tot.obviously i'm wrong.
i'm so sick.not the real sick lah.i jus feel sick.i think all i need is a listening ear.that'd be wat i need desperately now.i think i'm going crazy.driven crazy by him.why is everything linked to him?!!i'm so fed-up!!him this,him that.it's no wonder tt now even dad starts 'teasing' me.the teasing is not really pleasant ok.it's bad.really bad.
haix.i'm really really tired.how i wish i can jus fall into a deep slumber forever,leaving this dark dark world.i'd leave everything behind.everything.
nowadays anything can make me cry.even staring into space,jus listening to some music can bring the tears to my eyes.i guess everything is threatening to spill out.jus that i dun allow them to.why??why do i still force myself to keep everything inside when i'm already so tortured?although the tears may surface,i dun think they'll ever get out.i'm used...used to keeping everything inside me.since how along ago was the last heart-to-heart talk i had with someone close?i seriously dun remember.
now the prob is,should i jus leave?leave him once and forever..let fate decide if we'll ever meet again.one fren told me tt it was fate which brought us together.after all,the world is so vast,how on earth did his contact end up in my msn?i really dunno.i'm too tired.too tired to think so much.i really feel like sleeping forever.i think i need someone.someone to talk to...to understand me..to help make me feel better.mayb even heal my bleeding heart. )= why must he do this to me??why me...why.i want the life i had before 'fate brought us together'..the innocent,happy days when i was jus my true self.i dun think i can hold this happy front of mine any longer....the facade is faltering...

oh..

2005-04-26T16:29:00.000-07:00

haix...mid-years jus started today.haix...and i really dun wish to think about my problems right now.have to concentrate on studying.whatever he wants or doesn't want to say,i won't bother.i won't care.leave everything to after my exams. (= thought it through le.now only left with one major problem.whether i can stick to what i've decided to do.haix...i know i falter easily..that's why i'm trying to stick to whatever decisions i've made.
it really feels terrible to have to keep everything to myself.i cant post everything on the blog,cos there are jus some things i dun want my friends to know.then i also cant keep a diary.meaning i cant write my thoughts and feelings down black and white on paper.cos mom goes through my things when i sleep and she'll read them.haix...so i have to keep everything bottled in me,until one day i die of my thoughts.like how Suyuan Woo died in Joy Luck Club.haix...
i guess it really takes a lot of effort and determination in order to stick to my decisions.if not,it'll be back to my old life,to the life that i wasted away,to the life where unhappiness was an everyday thing.and obviously,that was the life when i failed everything terribly. )= so i vow never to return to my old self.i have to be re-born.to be without him.i shall force myself to withdraw from him...to be independent,and not rely on him in order to get pass each day.but without him,i'll have no motivation in life!haix...i practically look forward to the end of the schoolday everytime,jus to get home and read his sms..but now..things have changed.things are no longer the same.i dunno to be glad or sad.but i guess i should always look at things from a different perspective.to be a grown-up is not easy..i'm learning how to.

haix

2005-04-25T17:40:00.000-07:00

yes..i'm feeling grey...had a bad day.right start from when i woke up.then bad things started happening.i think i jus landed in serious trouble.i dunno what to do.haix..if only i have someone that's really trustworthy,someone that's really close to me,someone that..well,really understands me.i wish..i really wish to talk to someone.i think i cant take this anymore.i'm scared..scared that i'll take another chance at my life.why?why must this person suddenly appear in my life like this again?i've promised myself to move on.to forget.but now..haix.i really dunno what to do.i've got so many problems right now,i dun even know which one is more serious,which one is more important,which one i should try to solve first.i seem to have problems in all aspects of my life. )= though i keep telling myself everything will pass and it'll be back to normal soon,i dun think it will now...sad.but i guess to everyone i'm always so cheerful,so happy-go-lucky,so "normal".it's all a mask,a facade..i really wish i have someone to talk to. )= i think i can cry everything away.that's what i always do..cry and then feel better.but sooner or later all these troubles will come back.i dun want to think so much.my brain capacity is not that big.and it's mid-years soon.cant afford to think so much and then neglect my studies.but the problems still exist!i'm so vexed..
i want a normal life.i want my parents to leave me alone.let me handle my own stuff.let me bear the consequences of whatever i do.i know by restricting so many things,they actually care for me and love me,and they're trying to protect me,but i think i'm old enough and mature enough.i just wish that they leave me alone...

haix..

2005-04-20T17:37:00.000-07:00

haix...i guess it can be really bad when your parents simply dun trust you.what the hell is their problem?!even my hp charger also want to keep..siao lahx..trying to control how much i use my hp?humph.
to tell the truth,the more they try to control me,the more i feel like rebelling against them.it's like,kinda natural. =P i know,i sound like a bad girl,but hey,that's what they are forcing me to do.practically.maybe they really should start learning that controlling me too much really makes me feel suffocated.and then makes me feel like 'running away from them'.i really cant act guai.it's too...fake.and i've already had enough of acting.always have to act as someone that i'm not!it's so damn stupid.i jus want to be me..the true me.i know,i'm guai to some extent.but i jus cant figure out why i always like to be so rebellious in front of my parents.i guess it's cos when i was in pri sch,i was always acting guai in front of them,until i'm so fed up!!ugh!how can i not think about this?i see my parents everyday!!!i'm going crazy...
really,i haven't really had the best bday this year.haix...what can i expect.i think the distance between me and my parents is increasing each day.it's not like i dun want to bond with them.it's jus like,no one makes the effort.so we start drifting apart... )=

okay...

2005-04-18T16:11:00.000-07:00

haix...it sure feels boring to be sitting at home doing nothing..haix..i really dunno wat happened to me!!seems like i really went psycho this morning..but anyway,i'm so pissed at them i think it'd be good to give them a scare.this is a good time to rebel..make them worried.whatever.jus make them worried.jus be rebellious.since i can blame them for it.but then,i dunno wat explanation to give tmr at sch.i dun have mc to cover for today's absence...die die..at most i say i dunno how to say,ask the school to call mom.hee hee.
haix..really bored to death.nothing to do!actually got lahx..must do ss..tmr must hand in de..okie okie.i shall go bathe and do that now.buhbye!~

bad things

2005-04-18T08:15:00.000-07:00

well,bad things do happen to me too.i'm not at school today not because i'm sick,well,at least not pysically,but mayb i'm sick emotionally or pschologically.well for one thing,i'm in a blood-splattered school uniform.kinda...spooky.and number two,i look pretty depressed.which is why i'm not at school.if i'm at school..i dunno,i think i'll look scary.okay,back to explaining.why da hell am i in a blood-splattered uniform?!great,that's cos i've been a bad girl.literally.dad whacked me on the back of my head this morning.and my shoulder blade.of course it hurts.i think sooner or later i'm going to suffer from some brain injury thingy and lose my memory or something.if he continues hitting my head liddat.and then he refuses to fetch me to school.which is also why i'm at home now.cos i couldn't have taken a bus,i'd be late for school.and then i sat there,stoning.then mom got angry.literally like a bull.and she has a bull's strength,mind you.so then she whacked me.all over the place.i tell you,if ever that 'struggle' was videotaped,and i were to watch the replay,i'd think it was some bloody fighting scene.really,she actually wanted to slap me cos i was screaming.but somehow she aimed wrongly and whacked my upper lip and nose.SO I BLED.what do you expect?!she has so much strength!i'm surprised she didn't kill me.and so i was sobbing,no,crying,and covering my nose with my hands.i didn't even know that i was bleeding,for goodness sake!i had thought that it was mucus.since i'm having a flu..but no,when i saw blood on my uniform i nearly freaked out.ok,i DID freak out.i screamed.and ran upstairs.no,got dragged upstairs by mom.who was asking me to change.but i refused.decided to rebel.so now i'm still in this bloody uniform.really.i dun intend to change.i'll freak mom out by pretending to have really gone crazy.my acting's not too bad..then mayb she'll think it's her fault and she'll treat me better from now on.oh ya,she came back jus now.after bringing sis and bro to sch.but i dead-bolted the door from inside.so she couln't come in.of course she knocked.but i ignored her.let's jus make her worried. =D she called too.i think,cos i'm using the internet.so naturally,no-one answered the phone.never mind,let's make her more worried.
i want to ignore her the whole day.i hate my parents.two days ago it was my birthday.but it's nothing great anyway.they didn't do anything special.so heck.my parents suck.big time.
psst.it feels weird to be missing sch like this.i dun even have an mc.and then the stupid sch will definitely call later. =X

bad..bad

2005-04-01T15:30:00.000-08:00

oh no...this is bad.really...this person...is back in my life.the weird thing is,i dunno why i kinda welcome this thing...ugh.something's terribly wrong...but what?*haix* never mind...i shall not think about it..
yucks.today stained my skirt!as in my uniform lahx...die le...and then got cramps.worse part is,i told suling i'll be going to the clinic to see a doctor today.but then...i didn't bring my wallet back!!it's under my table!!die.die...dun have that insurance card how to go and see the doctor?!somemore today's friday!a weekend!means i can only get my wallet back on monday!how to see doctor??argh!!shit.cant possibly ask someone to help me take,cos...meiyan never bring hp one wat.even if she did,she wouldn't on it in school..*haix* will the school be open tomorrow??maybe,but i have cip!yucks!i so hate life right now..
and then i think i'm back to my life of staying up till past 12 plus 1 am...and the life where dad gets very disappointed with me..the life that's so painful.but..i dun really think i have a choice.i cant..let go.*haix* i'm going nuts liao... =X and soon i'll be spending a lot of money..because of..ugh.watever. =X
*haix* guess i'd better get going.it's not really nice to type while there are stabs of pain in your stomach.bye~!
half a month to my birthday!!YAY!!i'm so looking forward to 16th... x)

short one

2005-03-28T17:17:00.001-08:00

i shall just make this a short entry.yes,my life is not perfect.though i may act like it is.i dunno.i think i made a mistake by putting this music at my blog.kinda makes me want to cry.*haix.i'll get reminded of so many things.when i hear such music...of things that i shouldn't be thinking about,of things that i should have forgotten long long ago.now that he's gone,i should carry on with life.isn;t it?*haix.
okay..shall stop being depressed.not really healthy. =X i dun blame meiyan lahx.i jus hope that she will quickly see the light.what else can i do?i've already tried.wah,jian sux.okay lahx,mayb not that much,but still.Quiksilver this,billabong that!!i'm so damn jealous.why dun i have roxy this,roxy that?humph.and he said he wasn't coming.ok,to be exact,he said he may not be coming.but he liar.he did come.lame.but i beat him!of course lahx.girls are better at those games wat. =P poser.now i know why he's called a poser.and who started it.hahax.right.i have to agree,he really does seem to be a poser.~lalax..
oh yea,the new e.lit teacher ROX.damn cool.and he's not that bad too. (= maybe things will be better.ex-acs lahx,tt teacher.no wonder got tt look down on ppl feeling.all acs ppl r liddat.hahax..english educated wat.arrogant ppl. x)
okie okie..i promised to make this short.so,buh-bye!~

nice =X

2005-03-23T15:33:00.000-08:00

*haix actually i dunno wat to type lahx.jus coming online for the sake of coming online.to savour the feeling of freedom. (= *haix but then today sadded lahx.meiyan and huiyi ABANDONED me!wat the.both of them didn't come to school today!!kena-sai.then i'm so alone.with yj going to prepare for the assembly thingy and then performing for the thai visitors. Sux lahx.so,today still quite okay.besides the fact that i've been abandoned.and then meiyan starts blaming me for leaving her and st behind yesterday.wat the lorx.it's cos huiyi has to go to je to wait for her mom,plus it was going to rain,plus i didn't have umbrella and want to get to my aunt's house quickly.jus wat is her prob?!she can go blame huiyi wat.why everything also my fault.yea right.huiyi's shirking all that stuff to me.saying wat i closer to meiyan,that i can tell meiyan stuff that she would otherwise feel uncomfortable telling.sux lahx.everything also me!i'm so fed up.and then that meiyan keeps saying until like my fault that she and st were 'left behind'.heck!i already asked huiyi yesterday if we were being bad by leaving them behind,then she told me,"aiya.won't lahx.meiyan got shitong wat."which is quite agreeable.obviously meiyan feels that having st is not enough,that me,she and huiyi must stick together every single second.wat the.
haiya.i'm sick of all those le lahx.stupid.oh ya.another thing.he had his hp confiscated.but i dunno why though.i did ask,but he didn't say.so,heck lahx.which probably explains why there's been no sms.except that night.where he took his mom's and his mom screamed at him.hahax..moreover,now i realise that though other ppl in his sch were pretty free during the hols,he had to go to johor to train.wat the.i mean,jian is like so free,he's practically online everyday of the hols.but of course lahx,jian in softball,and only sec 2.wat you expect.hahax..whereas,on the other hand,he's not sec 2,and he holds quite a high position in his cca.quite remarkable.^^ hahax.. =P okay okay.lest he comes to my blog and reads all these,i'm dead.hahax...but ya,he also cant come online.cos his home's internet connection spoilt.duh.except that night again.where he borrowed his dad's laptop.*haix
okie okie...so i guess i gotta go.so damn sticky.need to do my stuff le.lala~

haix

2005-03-18T12:25:00.000-08:00

Aiya...die liao le...i still have so much homework left!!argh!and it's already friday... )= not a very nice thing man...so technically i only have two days left to do my homework..*haix* shouldn't have signed up for that damn campfire that's going to be held tonight.wat a waste of time!i could have done more homework...but never mind..guess campfires do help u to relax..can scream like mad..but then i dun want a sore throat again.and now my teeth hurts!so damn pain..jus because i want straight teeth.i dun even know why i went for braces.*haix* i really want to take my braces out.i'm beginning to hate it already. now that dentist makes me wear rubber bands.gee,i thought i didn't need to wear the rubber bands.looks like i cant escape this 'fate' of trying to keep my mouth shut. it's so stupid!the rubber bands are restricting my mouth 'movements'. hahax..
okay.u're not going to believe this.i didn't sms him for over a week!!over a week u know...hahax..and i was actually so worried that it's the hols and he may start sms-ing me all over again.but nope,he didn't!i'm so glad...lucky..okay..so my msn nick says "it's over between me and him.i wont feel sorry." but actually, there's nothing going on between us in the first place.i jus feel like writing tat in the nick. jus hope that meiyan doesn't take it seriously lor.
wa.i tell you,i'm really DISGUSTED by the Sec 4 bballers and that Darius.crazy idiots..they're talking about s** publicly in the library!!plus they were so damn loud!!yucks.and me and seok hui were sitting at the next table on the 4th floor.yucky!!i was wearing guides sec3 tee and seok hui was wearing the sec1 orientation tee.so it's one black and one white.then at the table beside us,got two sec2s and they were also one black and one white.then it's like,the bballers were talking about the sec2s.so their conversation is all filled with "the black one,the white one" and me and seok hui were so damn uncomfortable.but of course,we knew that they were talking about the sec2s.but then...later they realised that we were also one black and one white and then that idiotic Darius was saying,"orh,if liddat arh,i'll take the black one" hello?he was just sitting next to me!!argh! disgusting.and then after saying he even tried to see my facial expression.eewww...i pretended not to hear,by staring at my piece of hw on the table and keeping my head down.how much more disgusting can they get?!!?!oh my god,later they even asked me to go and ask the sec2 for her hp number.yucks.they gave me so many phones lor.a while it's Darius',then he snatched back,then later it's the whose one and etc.stupid.luckily i didn't have to ask in the end...*phew*
anyway,i have a bad impression of those bballers and Darius.i never knew Darius was liddat.but now i KNOW.eww....hey,that bballer still owes me an ice-cream. x) hahax...

oh yea!

2005-03-15T15:57:00.000-08:00

oh yea!!camp's over!!so shuang... (= really 'suffered' at this camp...that's why i dread camp every year...but i'm trying to change my mindset..senior liao,must be more enthu,then juniors will look up on u mahx.. xD hahax...kkx..crappy.i jus got back not long ago.still a bit blur blur...damn tired too...at home no more cup noodles,cant cook... )= but not really hungry anyway.so..heck lahx. (=
ah hahahax...i finally got darker!!but it's an ugly tan...cos' of the shirt sleeve and the stupid school pe shorts...now half white and half tanned.ugh.lucky huiyi got to skip camp cos of some food poisoning.what the.i feel like bashing her up..yet at the same time sort of sympathise with her,cos having food poisoning is not something that's fun.hahx.
i've got so much to say about the camp...but then if i type everything,it'll be never-ending.but i think i ought to say about the candlelight night!!it was quite fun lahx.i screamed like siao..hee.and i knew 99% of all the songs.yea! (= but then they said the spirit/atmosphere is not very good,cos np and nc veh sian diao.cos they dunno like 75% of the songs...and then,they also not enthu.ended up only guides and st john enthu.somemore both sitting opposite each other.hahx.
okay,this year we slept in the hall. xD finally...a change. (= and then we had chocolate milk(magnolia's somemore...)instead of the usual milo...okay..guess i'll stop here...i'm having a bit of sore throat...screamed too much le.lolx.

shit!!

2005-03-09T17:11:00.000-08:00

Oh Great...
Argh i got back my progress report today!! and i so damn hate it... )= it's like,i failed a math!!and now the report has a 48...going to cry le.correction,i already cried.and i'm going to cry all over again. *waaa..... the only thing i'm happy with my report is the e.lit result.cos it's the same mark as the 'top in level' mark...i'm top in level!! but obviously my parents won't jus focus on that. stupid. and then a math result is the first subject on the report lor,can u imagine,it's like,once u look at the report,u see a 'fail' mark.i'm very upset. but i just dunno why when i'm sad nobody seems to notice. maybe it's cos i really can put on an act. i dun feel like doing anything today.i'm so sad....sad... )= but my tears are like...not coming out.*haix my L1R5 is 14..percentage..around 65 point something..although it may be 'good' when compared with some ppl,it's still bad in my parents' eye.i think i've let them down...dad had something like a 'prep talk' with me this morning.i really think i've let them down...i dunno,i think i can feel dad's stress...with his work and all.i dun think he's having a good time at work with his new boss. (and i'm not rich) dad says he may be fired in like 3 months.i hope that he's wrong...i dun want him to lose his job...i want things to be fine,i want my road to be 'easy'...*haix. i really feel guilty about not being more sensitive towards my parents' feelings..but then,they also have to spare a thought for my feelings....i'm also stressed with studying! )= i think now i've become very negative...and unhappy.*haix. i already broke down.i can confirm that.and i even did something that i shouldn't do,something that really proves that maybe i need couselling. and that something is foolish. )= never mind.nobody will know.i put on such a great act in school...

lolx

2005-03-02T17:10:00.000-08:00

Yea!!today half day...till 10.30am only lehx...so shuang. (= but i went out lahx..then only reached home not too long ago.. xD went to orchard!!wa...paragon's toilet so damn nice!hahax...no lahx...since it's so nice,cannot call it toilet..it should be washroom. x) hahax...but anyway,the hand dryer at the washroom is very efficient!! (= used it to dry my clothes..and it's super fast..actually used it to dry my bag too (= cos today heavy rain!!argh.hate going out when it's raining.my sch shoes were so wet!eww...now my feet like 'soggy' liddat. =X hehx.today for PDP had to fold paper and pass it round the class.then the ppl who get ur paper have to write something positive about you..hmmm...and then i wonder,is looking like piglet positive??! cos a lot of ppl wrote i look like piglet.meiyan wrote i'm cute like piglet.hahax...cute=ugly but adorable.i'll always remember the definition. =X then some ppl say i friendly.hahx.and then a lot say my e.lit veh pro.stupid kang wee said "elit pro!wads your problem =D pretty interesting,lol ^_^" hahx.stupid rite?i didn't know he wrote that,till huiyi told me that's it's him,cos of the 'wads your problem' i think he wrote pretty interesting for everyone.hahax...cos i saw that on huiyi's paper too! (= practically everyone wrote piglet!!argh...and then someone wrote that i'm crappy at times but a good friend nevertheless.crappy?!me?! i think that is shi wei write de.hahx.know what i wrote for him?i wrote 'LOU-sy.hahax..okay lah,quite a nice person.like ur tan (= lolx.' i forgot what i wrote behind lahx,but i rmb writing the like his tan de...dunno why,i seem to have a positive feeling towards ppl who are tanned. x) rmb leonard?(wong) *haix* just can't forget lehx... )= haix...never mind. hey!at least someone wrote that i'm normal. (= that's good!cos' meiyan & huiyi always say i look like everything but human.so stupid.
yea...think i gotta go le!have to do the laundry etc.basically all the household chores lahx.stupid shi wei still day i rich girl.maybe,but rich ppl jus dun do the household chores themselves. =X

oh dear...

2005-02-28T17:04:00.000-08:00

Today's liying's bday!!hee...gave her the presents that i bought..shared the presents' cost with shi yun and phyllis lahx... (= she says it's nice.yea!!hahax...
*haix* i'm really so stressed out.wat the.must he always come and make me break my promise?i promised myself to forget him,to let the time wash everything away...but yet,after i wrote that promise down,he has to sms me?!!what is his problem?*haix* so i replied...i dunno.ok,though maybe in some corner of my heart i want him to sms me...but then,dun do that straight after i've promised myself!you're making me break my own promise...why?why does he have to do that?stupid.and then meiyan keeps insisting that i'm in a relationship.ok,i admit,i'm seriously confused now...am i or am i not??argh.i have enough troubles...yea,then meiyan said that i have a bf in front of everyone lorx!wat the.and then yujia was there,rebecca was sitting next to meiyan,and even yan neng,who was a few seats away heard her and went asking,"huh?cuilin,u got boyfren ar?!"wat the.(we were in the audi of Singapore Poly,then cos yujia asked me who i smsing,then meiyan claimed i hav a bf)which is stupid.argh!!!!!yupz,then huiyi told me that later yan neng asked her how come i so pissed off..hee.and huiyi said she told him that it's cos meiyan keeps claiming that i have a bf,though i dun.yea.it's true...at least.and i was pissed off.seriously.i mean,even if i did have a bf,IF,she also doesn't have to publicise it for me!!wat's her problem!!!!argh!!!!!i feel like killing someone now...
okay...i'm cooling it.it's no point getting fed up over something trivial.but i'm still pissed off.stupid..okie...shall log off now..then bathe and call celest. (= i always like to talk to her...best person to talk to de. (= closest fren ba...yea..bye~!

hmm...

2005-02-24T16:01:00.000-08:00

Ellox~....hmm...today bio paper...only six of us in 3e has to take that paper..and i'm one of them... =X not boasting that i'm triple science de..jus trying to say that being triple science is not easy!!! =X i was so stressed and actually...i think i'm going to fail it...last two questions i did something wrongly..and then both answers are identical... )= i dun want to fail...i cannot afford to fail...not because my parents will kill me(though that's one reason) but rather because i'd be letting myself down..i cannot slack this year..i cannot "heck care"...sec 3 le..must be more mature and responsible..i must prove to dad that i can study..i cannot let him look down on me...it's so embarrassing that you own dad looks down on you... =X
hmm...yea..i told meiyan the 'stuff' already..i'm really frustrated that she's still so insistent...how come she cannot let go??i mean,it's not like it's for real?i never thought that crushes could be for real..and i'm always under the impression that she's just under peer pressure... =X but i dunno how true my assumption is lahx...i just hope that she'll 'back off'..i mean,i already tries my best not to be nasty to her(in my tone and all that)cos i know it'd hurt her...but now,she being so insistent really sort of pisses me off!!stubborn girl...like won't ever grow up liddat.. =X okay..i know it may be 'bad' to say that..but really.i really wish she could stand and look at herself from our angle..our point of view..it's really frustrating..i dunno why she's changed so much...i just cannot figure that out.. )= i dun want her to change..it's really stupid..huiyi is right to say that you dun have to try to be popular.if you are popular,then you are lorx...no point trying...i admit lahx..though i used to try last time,i realised that it never works..so,yea,i'm being myself now.and who cares if i'm noisy,disturbing or wat?as long as i dun make anyone so irritated that they hate me. =X then i think it's really okay to be your REAL self... xD i hate ppl who are 'fakes'..copy everything..from top to bottom..so un-original! =X hahax...
okay,of course i'm not scolding meiyan...i dun wish to do that.i hope huiyi hurry write a letter to shake her up..to wake her up..to tell her not to be so stubborn...i want to wake her up too..but then.i dun want to be so 'invovled'.it'll be of no good to me anyway...i already have enough problems of my own!!!argh!
the most important thing to learn in life is to be able to let go and stand up again.some things are just not meant to be yours,it's no point trying to hard to get these things...

okay...

2005-02-23T15:59:00.000-08:00

okay...now i know why meiyan suspect so much. =X duh...she saw what hy wrote to me on the Valentine's Day note...ugh.somemore hy underlined the him...my god...no wonder.and hy's handwriting is really easily read..can even read it from afar...*haix*but since i denied stuff,so yea,i can't tell meiyan about how it's ended liao...i really really really hardly talk to him le.almost like not in touch anymore.but whatever.i'm sure very busy this year.and i realised that hy is real popular.hahx... (= hahax...
ya,i told chen about the seating arrangement thingy jus now...he said he understands and would try to change C and Huiyi..that means hy will sit in C's current seat...but then....hy say she cannot see..and then Shi Wei and Kang Wee suggested to her that she sit at Liu Xiang's seat..cos they cannot stand Liu Xiang's assessment books etc.basically cannot stand her being so hardworking...lolx. i used to be like Liu Xiang..and now i realised how dorky and nerdy i probably seem last time. =X haix....i dunno why...it feels like as though hy is closer to Yu Jia now...meiyan too.why?they both seem to be making new friends..but me?i keep getting stuck in my past.i jus can't get out of my past..it's like shadowing me.*haix* i really wish i could disappear from this surface of this dark dark earth...i think i'm really stressed out.but how to relax??!ugh...
i hate being the odd one out...but it seems god just loves making me the odd one out..i dunno why... )=

bad day

2005-02-21T16:43:00.000-08:00

i really think i'm going crazy. =X seriously.dad is really exerting alot of pressure on me.i think i'm going to break soon...but then,just nobody seems to understand.i wish he was more sensitive.but i dun blame him la,afterall,i dun think he thinks that i'm actually filled with so much problems.but he was the one who said that i can tell him anything!!argh...i'm really going crazy... =X *haix* and then there's the problem with dad...he called back that day from overseas just to give me a prep talk.about how i haven't proven anything to him...i was thinking of this sentence today in class and then i just broke down...i almost couldn't stop.if given a choice,i'd rather continue crying.nothing hurts more than having to hold back your tears..i've always believed that if you feel so painful inside,you should just cry... )= but i obviously couldn't cry all i want in class today..it'd be so embarrassing...*haix* and then i can't cry now..no tears...i feel so cooped up!!
why is always math that i have to fail?okay lahx,today also got take back chemistry results and i'm quite satisfied with the results...40 1/2 over 50..which means 81/50... (= but math.... )= yucks!sometimes i also hate myself.why is it that i can't prove myself to dad???!!!ugh..

heyx...

2005-02-18T16:30:00.000-08:00

okay...i won't write much for today...jus got home not long ago..though there's no cca today,but went out with a couple of frens.. =) hee...haix...think it's quite boring...lolx.meiyan seriously thinks that i am in a relationship.what the.i'm also seriously NOT in a relationship!!why would i be?and i can't think how she really strongly believes that i'm in one... =X okay,so maybe i am quite concerned about somebody,but that doesn't mean that i'm in a relationship!!huiyi says that when a person is in love,she'll think that the others are too.hmm.i wonder is that's true?meiyan's learning football currently.when she mentioned that,huiyi was like telling me(softly)"i wonder for what reason huh...a particular person wor..."hahax...talk about love.i mean,what's the problem?with meiyan,i mean.why is she suddenly so "sensitive" to such issues. =X under peer pressure??but there's something i haven't told her yet.and i think it's quite important...me and my fren are trying to think about how to tell her.i tried...but i dunno lahx,did she get the message?*haix*
great.i really really dunno why i bother so much.about that somebody.the logical side of me is telling me that this is the best time to let go and forget.(oh my god,i jus realised what i wrote and if meiyan's ever going to read this page,she's going to say that i'm really in a relationship.god,i'm NOT!)this is so pissing me off.what's happening???why did i ever land in this state???ugh...
anyway it's common test week and ya,i think things are a little hectic.i think i'm going crazy soon...yucks.
sometimes i just think that life really sux!!but then,life still goes on....unfortunately or fortunately...
the greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love & be loved...
should i just give up??i'm really so tired...

yozzie~

2005-02-16T16:00:00.000-08:00

hee.okay,i know that maybe i haven been updating this blog very often... =X too busy le lahx..then ya,computer's being protected by a password,which.supposedly only mom n dad knows...hee.but obviously i've cracked it yet again...wonder why.i think i very good at cracking passwords lehx.Moreover it's anyhow guess de...i didn't even know the password got what letters lorx,then anyhow guess also can get it.hmm...maybe i'm really clever. =P ok ok,dun be so what le lahx..
i really dunno what's gotten into meiyan lately.how come she keeps asking me if i have a stead??of course i dun have...really.i dun think me n him counted as steads lahx.not that close yet.ya.so...heard that she likes a scout.shall not mention any names here.but really,i'm wondering if it's peer pressure...u know,as in not me give peer pressure,but rather someone else..can't mention names here lahx.*haix*i just hope that she is not under peer pressure then liddat de..but my fren told me some htings lahx,which really makes me think that meiyan really shouldn't like that guy. =Xof course,if it's genuine,can't do anything de lorx...*haix*
it's common test week.so damn sianx.later must study chemistry...and then have to complete physics TYS...friday must hand in...really very sianx...but at least i feel a sense of satisfaction cos i broke the password..hehex...i clever right? =P oh,and then i sms jian to 2 am on friday...that's why saturday 10 am then wake up..learnt so many things about him..hmmm...well,all i can say is that it still feels really weird to be sms-ing jian.it's not like i always talk to him lorx.okay lahx,though when we were kids we always play together lahx,but then after like i think pri. 5 we stopped talking to each other liao.then suddenly sms-ing till 2 am??hahx.it's definitely weird.but then i dun think anyone's gonna break the record of sms-ing me till 3 am.it's a record set by him that i dun think anyone can break.so does that mean he's actually something more than a fren?i really can't sort out my thoughts.and it's also because of him that i started sms-ing jian.stupid mom went to tell jian about him lorx.worst thing is she anyhow say de lorx..not factual de!!so stupid!!then i was so paiseh!! =X she and her big mouth.
hmmm...yea,gotta go study le!!must jiayou for common test... =).

heyx

2005-02-08T23:11:00.000-08:00

yozzie...yea..back!hee...dad and mom went out..but for a while only lahx,so i have to make this quick...dunno if dad approves of me having blog already or not.Seriously,i can't see what's the big deal about having a blog.. )= well,i dunno the password for this com lahx,dad on it for me when i asked him jus now..he just went out.cos mom wants to return the library books.yea,at this unearthly hour.hahax...hmm..he's overseas now,i suppose.so good,can have holiday!!i seeing green liao.humph.then he never sms me so often liao.but it's also good in a sense because in this way i can save my sms,won't send over 360 and then can earn back dad's trust.In fact,he's already giving me a fair bit of trust by letting me use the com while he's out.hmm...must learn not to take things for granted liao. =X that's one thing i have to learn..haix...well,i said to make this short..so,gtg!Happy Chinese New Year!!hahax...and tmr's meiyan's bday too... (= can't wait to get ang baos!hahax... xD

hmm...

2005-02-06T15:50:00.000-08:00

hey hey...haven written for a long long time...hee..been quite busy.Yesterday was campfire..i was songleader for RV NCC..damn sianx there lorx.but i think overall i enjoyed the campfire lahx.. =) i think sjab's item very good.of course,our own guides n scouts de also very good lahx...i liked both the best! =) sjab's one damn cool...hee...bugs bunny and ivy...woo~ hahax... =) too bad sophia wasn't there to see shi wei..hahax... X)
btw,i'm known as piglet...just cos ppl say i look like piglet..hahax..cute=ugly but adorable...true?i dunno...

ugh!!!

2004-11-18T19:16:00.000-08:00

hahax...came back from my klas chalet le worx...hahax...so fun there.okay lahx,i think i sound a bit sarcastic... =P haix...cos Phyllis,Liying,Shi Yun and Jia Yi went home on the second nitex mahx...i would have done the same if dad was in singapore lorx...but then,he's not lahx...haix..then it was damn late when shi yun went home too.so i cant possibly take public transport home...haix...taxi would have been ok,but later hav to pay a lot.plus later mom ask why i suddeny come home,and then also so late come home de...so i spent my second nitex miserably there.didn't really sleep...i think i really only caught "forty winks".hahax...had a xbox 'marathon' with Shufang...played racing for dunno how long...then whenever i close my eyes,the stupid roads and routes from the racing game would pop up in my mind.thin i pro at that hame liao lahx,want to practise more also can go my cousin's house to play.hahax...then sure will beat him de. =P or maybe not lahx.whatever.hahax...chalet,quite fun lahx...but then like cycled until i butt pain..hahax...then went to the beach with shufang on the third day(after we checked out) cos the stupid shuttle bus,we had to wait for two hours!!
9.30am--reached the shuttle bus stand
10.15am--finally,after waiting for soooo long,the bus is here!
but then...those ppl who came at 10 plus for the bus went up first!!and then that damn bus uncle stopped us from boarding,cos he say no space liao.stupid!!i was so damn pissed off!!so we have to wait for the 11.25 de bus..yea,that's the next bus after the 10.15 de kkx.so stupid right?so i went to the beach with shufang lorx..and i got tanned..from sitting under the shelter of the shuttle bus.hahax,cos i sat at the corner.then the sun can reach me..so become one arm in the shade,right arm in the sun.no need to ask lorx,now my right arm more tanned.so dumb...haix...i think i'm quite sad...2[i]nfinity has to split liao le...so saddening...i dun want to split...shermaine,shanly adn sophia gave each of us one letter..but sophia couldnt find mine,hahax,so she has to re-write.. xD and all three gave each of us a little gift..i think it's home-baked cookies...should be.haven't opened mine yet...well,i think i stop here.cos someone's in my house.hahax... =P then if i think of something else to write i'll write again kkx...bye~!

i'm back!!!

2004-11-18T13:45:00.000-08:00

hey heyx,hahax...i'm back from my chalet le!!yea~~okie lahx...i would give the chalet a 4 out of 5 star rating.hahax....sorry lahx,i very stingy de.. =P well,okie,so the first nitex..i got some sleep.well,i can sleep practically everywhere de mahx,so this isn't a prob for me.hahax!!something good about this "sleep everywhere" personality of mine le ba! =P slept at around...2 plus?i remember making the "cheese biscuits".hahax,ask jia yi..she teach de wor..quite nice,at first.then eat too much liao,a bit too...sian diao.hahax...and then started to think that it doesn't taste so good after all.hahax...okie...so we played lots of stuff too.
second day....quite okay,i suppose...but now i very tired liao..can't think and type coherently..i think i type tomorrow lahx horx?really too tired...argh.half-asleep liao.*yawnx*had xbox marathon this morning.[u know,the very early morning type,after midnight de??]yea...so tired!!!practically dropping dead from the exhaustion!!ugh.okie,tmr lahx...bye!~

okie...

2004-11-16T10:30:00.000-08:00

i can go to the klas chalet le...yea!~ and i get my hp for two days...to use at the chalet..watever.i think i should be glad that i'm even getting my hp...stupid.haix....but mom says dad told her to give me my hp only when i'm going out of the house.watever.so means i cant sms in the morning.so means i get to save my sms..whatever.haix....i also dunno...am i really falling?can i save myself before i fall too hard??i really dunno.okay,so i'm in a confused state once again.
i think he really took my message seriously lorx...cos he in the end also never reply..until i sent a new one to say that mayb i sounded too harsh cos' i was really frustrated at that time...haix...but anyway...i really want time to pass faster.i want my hp...i want to..okie,sms him.whatever.but then,i dun want time to pass so quickly..cos at the chalet..it's somehow the last time the class gonna b together..i want to treasure all the time we have together.haix...somehow i still feel like i'm the third wheel...or something like that..it's like both of them are closer lorx..i dunno why i have this feeling lahx...and then they both did better than me..but i dunno if they chose the same subject combi or not lahx..haix...
i dun want to feel so odd one out...i remember last year at the chalet..we all slept in the afternoon,but then they both woke up and went to bowl..without me.u can see how left out i felt...haix..i hate that feeling..that's why i want to go chalet and also dun want to go chalet..sharing both feelings at the same time..so sickening.
haix...i have nothing to do online also..so i guess i'll go hav my breakfast..yea...bye then.

i'm so sick...

2004-11-10T14:22:00.000-08:00

okie...so i'm so really sick of this le.well,maybe u should go see my ebloggy de lahx.i updated that liao..hmm...i think that the suggestion i made cannot work out.whatever.i think as long as i dun go and think about him,it's alright.since he hasn't done anything anyway.well,i guess here's where fate comes in then.
sianx...there's really nothing for me to do...i mean,there's lots of homework waiting to be done..and i have to practise my piano,otherwise i gonna fail grade 7...which will be terrible!haix...last time i had my hp,with his sms and stuff,i didn't mind doing my homework..hahax,i even challenged myself to finish n number of questions before his sms came in..ya know,he's really damn super fast in replying sms de..used to it liao..2 mins one reply..that's why in one day i can send over 60 sms to him alone.hahax...haix..and that's what caused me to 'lose' my hp..dad couldn't stand me not paying 100% attention to my homework...but hey,isn't it good that i'm challenging myself to complete n number of questions before his next reply comes in?you know,at least it makes me do my homework!not like now...no 'feeling' to do homework...haix...great.if only dad knows......then would dad give me my hp??haix...dunno lahx...so sick of this 'game'.
if only...if only he didn't say anything.if he didn't tell me...i wouldn't be in this state kkx..okie,so mayb i shouldn't blame him.it sure takes a lot of courage to tell me those stuff de rite?well...but...i really adds on to my troubles!!ugh.i'm so confused again......
haix...dunno what to do lahx.after all,no hp,can't do anything.he's not calling.i know that.he never calls...
whatever.i'd rather not bother.i'm so scared that i would really xin1 dong4...or have i already been...?oh no...

well,not much progress...

2004-11-10T09:30:00.000-08:00

i'm really really so sick of coming online the first thing in the morning,when i open my eyes.why?why make living like this?i also dunno.what's happening?i've no idea.it's like my life is no longer in my grasp.whatever.i'll still control my life...haix...used to be so bochup,everything also dun care de...but now...why,why...how come he can make me change so much????i really dunno...oh man..haix...
i didn't like jay's songs last time.but now...he made me grow to like them.hahax,so i have a lot more cds in my cupboard..=P really.but too bad lahx,it's more of burn de than original de.xD i dun have money mahx...oohhh....but i'll buy SHE's encore album!!definitely...hmm...mom says she'll buy a cd for me...i guess i'll say i want SHE de lorx..but i also want wilber's...because of a song in that album.the kuai le chong bai...but one song,buy one whole album...like not worth it..hahax,i know.i shall ask mom to buy both!(= hahax...she dun allow i jus bug her all day lorx. =P it works mahx..hehex...
oh yea,i'm trying not to think about him...i think i have to do my holiday assignments today...otherwise i'll really be lacking behind...haix..so maybe the assignments can keep me busy?i hope so.i also dunno what to do lahx...i guess i'll jus stop whatever communication with him lorx.[hey,it's he ownself never reply to my message de horx!so not my fault that i'm fed up with waiting rite?]whatever.even if he reads this blog i also dun care.i'm going back to my bochup attitude liao.i won't let anybody change me ever again.

haix~last post for today!

2004-11-09T16:05:00.000-08:00

okie....this is the last post for today liao.if i still dun go and do my hw,practise my piano,do my thoery hw...i'm going to be dead.seriously.haix...so...till now.i still dunno what to do.he's not doing anything wor.so maybe this means that it's really time for me to let go?and give up?and forget?i dunno.i just wish he would go and like,do something.haix...maybe the next time he's online,he'll see my blog again?hopefully it's this blog..cos i simply love this blog and that's why i update it the most. =P of course lahx,it's i ownself do de lehx...so of course i luv this blog...phew,so tiring.jus now i went to do the comments thingy.cos i jus realised that this blog couldn't allow people to post comments!!hahax...yea...then of course i went to enable it lahx.that's y so tiring.cos i keep looking at html,html,html all day...i dun think i liked html in the first place.but i'm so glad that they taught html in school..hahax.at least it helps me to understand what is going on with the template stuff mahx... xD thank you RV.[and that's the only time i'll be thanking RV]... =P okie...i guess i really must go do my hw...really.it's like,been abandoned by me since dunno when.i know,it's been only a week of hols,but hello?it's like everyone's somewhere into their hw..whereas me??dunno what the heck i'm doing.meiyan says i'm love-sick.o please.[cos she read my ebloggy's entries]but hey,love-sick??no way!i'm not going to be like huiyi...[meiyan asked me not to b like huiyi]whatever.but seriously i dun think i'm love-sick ok...so what if i am vexed about what to do with the friendship of me and him?it's not love-sick...not worse,meiyan thought it was shi jie?!what the...i oso dunno how she got the picture of shi jie in my life.hahax.that big-mouth only knows how to suck up to teachers.what has he got to do with me??of course i chided meiyan.for goodness sake...shi jie?he's merely my classmate.for this year.well,actually since kindergarten.but really,what has my current state in life got to do with shi jie?meiyan mistook the 'jie' word i mentioned in my ebloggy entry and led the whole thing to shi jie there.that's stupid.duh..whatever.i dun have time liao lahx..have to practise piano..otherwise teacher's gonna scold me later...for not practising!ugh...dun wnat..so diu lian...somemore in her sister's house..nonono...better go!bye!~ ^^ *

haix...

2004-11-09T13:37:00.000-08:00

i still dunno what to do...i'm really confused.ya know,jus now he came online...yea,and then i told him i was doing my blog,so i won't be able to reply.and he did ask fro my blod address.but i dunno if he saw it.i suppose the one he saw was the blogspot one,which is this one...i think he read my blog.cos he asked where is the tagboard...hee...i just got the tagboard up..i new to blogs mahx,can't blame me right??hee..so now i have a tagboard..and i think i'm getting the hang of all these stuff.yea!=) hahax...well,i'm still confused though.what am i supposed to do?he didn't say anythng.cos my com hang just now hang,and by the time my com recover,all i saw in the conversation box was "gtg le" and "bb" and got other stuff about what tv blasting music and stuff de lahx.dun look at me,i oso dunno what's that about.haix...haven eaten my lunch.scared later get gastric again.but dunno why nowadays like no appetite liddat...haix....whatever.i think i go cook noodles first,then when it's cooling(so that i can eat)i type some more kkx??yea,later...bye!~ ^^

i'm half-dead

2004-11-09T09:15:00.000-08:00

ellox...this is my first entry...haix...haven been feeling good lately.dunno why.u think it's all linked to him?i've no idea.maybe it is.am i missing him?so what if i do?what can i do?u can't possibly ask me to go and call him...that's so out of the question!i'll never call him.unless he calls me.hahx.dreaming arh!wake up lahx.he?call you?please.he only sms.he doesn't pick up the phone to call de!haix.really dreaming...okie.so what?so what if i miss him?he will never know that.i won't tell him...since now that...i have asked him for that favour.i think he will not agree.but hey!all i ask for is for him to say,"okay,i'll try to forget u.but u know u'll always have a place in my heart.."i dun mind if he says something like that.i mean,at least,i can go and study peacefully.at least i know that i can choose to forget or remember...then i have a choice.but right now,right now it seems like as though i'm obliged to feel...i dunno,feel wat?the same way towards him?i think i've done enough for him.jus that he doesn'e know,because i never told him.i dunno,i dun think this can carry us far.that's why before sec 3 comes i want to give up.so that i can concentrate on my studies...but how am supposed to give up peacefully if he doesn't do the same thing??this is dumb...i really really dunno what to do.i know that part of me says that i actually dun bear to give up,but another more sensible part says that giving up is the correct thing to do...i'm really confused now.i just hope that he replies to my message.haix...or is he doesn't reply,it means that i really can give up.okay.set.i'll do just that kkx?i also hope that he reads my MSN name.it says,dun bother looking for me..i'm leaving for real.give me three years kkx?i'll c u at HCI in 2007...[keiko-luv.ebloggy.com] of course the ebloggy part is to tell people about my new ebloggy's blog lahx.haix...okay...gtg!bye..